Is it rude to complain about a cat pooing in my garden?

"Dear Howfen Journal, my neighbour’s cat keeps using my raised beds as a toilet. I’ve just planted lettuce and now I don’t know if I should still eat them. I don’t want to fall out with her — she’s lovely — but I also don’t want to eat cat poo salad. Help!"

First things first: your instincts are right. Lettuce and feline deposits are not a winning combination. It’s entirely reasonable to want to grow your greens without worrying about unexpected toppings.